the two of us

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I’ve been known to say I like my own company. It’s easy, I’m never alone because there are two of me.

My favourite numbers are 11 and 2. I’m a Sagittarian – astrologically half wo-man, half horse.

I’ve been considering this propensity for duality in light of yet again splitting myself between two existences: city and country. The G.O. and I share a small city apartment which facilitates a working life; and an old house in a country village to which we dream of escaping, and having a life. We pack up each public holiday long weekend & for 3 weeks at Christmas, drive 6 hours and in the process transform into country folk dipping our toes in the water of the lifestyle to which we could quickly become accustomed. On the days of our return to the city we turn silent & morose and endeavour to keep to our corners.

This complementary way of life is not new to me. As a pre-schooler I had two homes: in town with Mum & Dad, and the farm with Nanna & Pa. I moved easily between them. When Mum died the farm became home, and after we left the farm I just went where Dad did. I was a little shy so my other self was kept busy being the chatty, confident one.

I got over that and of course inherent to teenage years is duality wearing its dark cloak of duplicity. I was never allowed to do what I wanted but that was ok, I took literally the adults’ go-to adage “what you don’t know won’t hurt you”, and employed it right back. I said one thing and did another. No-one got hurt… more by good luck than good management.

In a timely manner mid way through high school Dad suggested boarding school which meant a return to two lives, packing a bag, coming and going, home routines & friends vs. school routines & friends.

After leaving school I had two jobs: working for Dad at our garage for bed & board and at a truck stop café for $5 cash an hour as a waitress/kitchen hand. I also attempted to (not easy in a small country town) keep up the distance of what I did and what I was seen to be doing on the social scene.

A little later I found a proper job as clerk in local government but moonlighted as a barmaid at a local pub. The location and hours were the only difference to being in the office. The people were the same.

I quit the barmaid job when I met my first husband to be… should have quit the bloke and kept the job. But I didn’t, like the small country town girl doing what everyone else was doing idiot I was, I married him. My dual aspect had dreams but I was too busy trying to be Mrs Champion Housewife to think about them.

Eventually my dual aspect with a little incentive from my cheating husband of 4 years, took off for the big smoke dragging me and my polishing cloth with her, to hook up with a man whose skill for duality surpassed mine but only became evident way in the future when it was too late. He knew all about dreams and how to spin them.

I was saved when my life split in two once again. I took a local job which after a while required me to live and work away from home weekdays. Back to packing a bag, coming and going, home routines vs. work routines. I’m here to tell you absence does not necessarily make the heart grow fonder – it makes your eyes open wider and gives your brain space to think. It also gave the dream weaver free reign to delude himself into a divorce.

And still it doesn’t end. The G.O. came back into my life. We’d been friends for 20 years, introduced by the dream weaver. Via a series of synchronistic windfalls we found each other again just a little sooner than was ideal. Neither of us was in a space, one way or another, to pursue it. He went one way and my heart went with him. My dreams and I stayed in Sydney waiting and hoping.

The G.O. returned, but for a while was to & fro working away, and we did the long distance romance dance until the dust settled and we found ourselves in a day-to-day city reality. So now I pass my days as me who works for a monthly pay cheque, does the housework and pays bills, and as EllaDee me who gets to have all the fun writing & reading blog posts. That is, until it’s time to hit the road to Taylors Arm.

The two of us,
Our love will always stay between,
The two of us,
It doesn’t matter if the skies are cloudy and grey,
We’re happy away from the storm,
We’re cozy and warm,
It’s just the two of us,
And we’ll be always travelling on.

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36 thoughts on “the two of us

    Celia @ Fig Jam and Lime Cordial said:
    October 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

    A lovely read, ED, thank you. Sounds like you’re now at a good place in your life. 🙂

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      October 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm

      Thank you. A moment of frustration at wanting to be somewhere else gave me the opportunity to write it out 🙂

      Like

    metan said:
    October 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Funny where life leads us, isn’t it? Imagine if someone had told that young truckstop waitress what was in store for her, she would probably never have believed it. I know my life is far from what I expected it would be.
    So glad one of you loves blogging, I love reading what she has to say.

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 25, 2012 at 12:52 pm

      Thank you. Little EllaDee had some idea, apparently I had quite an affection for playing pretend typewriters as a kid… intriguing given how much time I’ve spent at a keyboard over the years 🙂

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        metan said:
        October 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm

        😀 I saved up a heap of pocket money when I was very young and bought a small brother typewriter, I still have it! The kids find it very amusing.

        Imagine trying to explain blogging to the small girls we were. “Well, you can type whatever you want and push a button and then anyone in the world can read it right away.” I expect we would have just rolled our eyes and walked away at such a ridiculous statement 🙂

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          EllaDee responded:
          October 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

          The world has definitely changed! Typing back then was so grown up & exciting. My stepmother had a typewriter which I commandeered & a how to type instructional book which I was too impatient to bother with. If I ever find an old, cheap, funky typewriter I’ll snap it up 🙂

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    Leanne Cole said:
    October 25, 2012 at 11:55 am

    What a lovely post EllaDee, there are so many bits of it that I can relate to. Thank you for your journey. 🙂

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 25, 2012 at 12:54 pm

      Thank you, it was fun to write even though borne of impatience at splitting my existence once again. I wonder even when we move to TA, if it will not just manifest in another form.

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    Vicky said:
    October 25, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    I’ve always said things happen for a reason. Without the dreamweaver, you’d never have met the GO. And finally after what sounds like quite a rollercoaster ride through life, it appears that you have found your soul mate. 🙂

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 26, 2012 at 5:57 am

      Thank you. I agree, but I keep wondering about this onging theme of duality and if I’m forever destined to have a foot in 2 parallel camps 🙂

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    Marianne said:
    October 25, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    It´s probably just as well that we don´t know what is around the corner. Looks as though you make the best of it, whatever happens Ella.

    Good luck to you both 🙂

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 26, 2012 at 6:02 am

      Thank you from the both of me’s 😉 I don’t think we’d believe it if we knew, actually I know we wouldn’t because of the few times I’ve consulted a psychic, I’ve come away thinking, yes, well we’ll see and they’ve been spot on…

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        Marianne said:
        October 28, 2012 at 5:33 pm

        BTW – did I tell you I´m flying out to Sydney in three weeks time? 🙂

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          EllaDee responded:
          October 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

          You did 🙂 We will be around some of the time you are here. Obviously I don’t know your plans so wouldn’t presume but if it suits maybe meet up at a market, or whatever? If so, email me, & I’ll give you my mobile 🙂

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          Marianne said:
          October 28, 2012 at 7:24 pm

          I will do just that 🙂

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    ChgoJohn said:
    October 25, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    I really enjoyed this post, EllaDee. Your perspective making note of the role duality has played in your life and lead you to us, here, is not only unique but it made for a good read. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 26, 2012 at 6:10 am

      Thank you. I wonder how many other people feel like there’s 2 (or more) different aspects of them required to participate their lives? I was apparently an actress in a past life, and I feel like everyday me uses those skills to create the illusion of my ‘dedication’ to the corporate world…

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    Kourtney Heintz said:
    October 26, 2012 at 3:26 am

    Aw EllaDee, I’m so happy to hear about your duality working out so well. I love the idea of a place in the city and one in the country. And I’m delighted that you and the G.O. have each other. 🙂

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 26, 2012 at 6:15 am

      Thank you. I love the idea of places in the city and the country too, and wonder if/how I’ll miss the city when we go. Sometimes, I’d like a bit more time for the country me, and a shorter drive to get there 🙂

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    philosophermouseofthehedge said:
    October 27, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Sigh. Lovely.
    We lived a little dual lives as kids. Almost every weekend and most of the summers we left the city and neighborhood for the farm and country habitat… more of a rough shack or cabin than house – with water drawn with a bucket out of a well, and outdoor bathroom…we built a nicer cabin later years with indoor plumbing. My dad and I were happier in the country, my mom was a city person. Not too bad, to have a little of both – but never got to do much with friends…and all those long car rides, UGH

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 27, 2012 at 6:15 am

      Sign. Lovely… back at you. The appeal of that simple country habitat you enjoyed as a kid is screaming at me… which is where I guess the words for the post came from. So often my feet are in the city and my head is in the garden at TA. And yes, the friends – in the city we’re all busy, when we go to the country they have other long weekend plans, and even though we get to see our country friends & family it’s rushed. And yes, the drive (which our city friends & family think we’re insane to do)… UGH 🙂

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    Cara Olsen said:
    October 27, 2012 at 9:10 am

    A lovely read, thank you, Ella, for sharing.

    I think I know a bit about duality as well . . . coming from a split family, I spent the majority of my adolescent years traveling back and forth between my parents houses. For the most, I did fine; it was all I knew of course, but I think a sort of splitting happened within me, too . . . it’s hard to explain, but I could feel there was a Cara for my dad’s house and an entirely different Cara for my mother’s house. When I met Michael, it was as if I could be all of me, all the time. How blessed we are to be married to such wonderful people.

    Hoping you are well!

    ~ Cara

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 27, 2012 at 10:30 am

      Thank you Cara. Your example of splitting your life and yourself between homes is the perfect example I think of Darwinian survival of the fittest. You do it because you have to and it works but it’s so much simpler to be one person in one place. And yes it’s good to have someone else to love & even though we both currently split our lives, we are doing it together this time… I get the bonus of blogging about it 🙂

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    roughseasinthemed said:
    October 28, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Never mind complementary, it makes me feel schizophrenic at times. I never had it as a kid, but suddenly having homes and jobs in different places it suddenly arrives in your life. It’s like being in a tardis sometimes.

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 28, 2012 at 5:15 pm

      I agree, waking up and wondering where am I, sometimes who am I, is one of the hazards 🙂

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        roughseasinthemed said:
        October 28, 2012 at 5:26 pm

        LOL! You don’t know how pleased I was to read that. Partner never has that issue and thinks I am quite loopy when I wake up and think I am in the other home 😀

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    maggiemyklebust said:
    October 29, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Interesting…
    I think we all have more than one side. At least your two sides seem to get along.

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 31, 2012 at 6:22 am

      Thank you. I agree, I think we do all have 2 sides to a certian extent, as well. And, yes, which made me laugh, my 2 sides do get along – I couldn’t stand it if they squabbled. The one who wants to have fun sometines gets tired of the me who has to go to work 😉

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    The Wanderlust Gene said:
    October 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Ummm – so interesting, this thing about duality. It got me thinking, remembering too – so much of what you write I remember though my life could hardly have been more different, except for boarding school. But somewhere, I haven’t located the time/space yet, that m split away from this m and another duality has arisen.

    Great post, EllaDee:)

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      EllaDee responded:
      October 31, 2012 at 6:18 am

      Thank you. I think many separate aspects of our self healthily for sanity purposes like work vs home, but for me sometimes practically it’s onerous. I want an object that’s in the other place, or sometimes it’s just a feeling, craving to be there :}

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        The Wanderlust Gene said:
        October 31, 2012 at 7:52 pm

        Listen to this:

        “I was at my happiest leading two lives, and it was a satisfaction to me that the second one – of the dreamer or the sneak – I kept hidden. That was how I spent my first fifteen years. Fifteen was young then and I knew this: The poor don’t belong. But one summer out of loneliness or impatience my second self did more than wake and watch, and more than remember. He began to see like a historian, and he acted. I have to save my life, i used to think.”

        Paul Theroux, “My Secret History” – I just picked it up and that’s the beginning. 🙂

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          EllaDee responded:
          November 1, 2012 at 6:03 am

          This is excellent. I can’t recollect what I’ve read of Theroux’s but it wasn’t his, but it will be 🙂 I think the duality he describes is part of growing up and shedding the persona ibestowed by nuture, and enabling your own nature… fortuitously or otherwise. Thank you for sharing, it’s very relevant 🙂

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          The Wanderlust Gene said:
          November 1, 2012 at 1:52 pm

          Best known as travel writer – especially of railway trips. You might have read/seen The Mosquito Coast, the only other of his novels I know.

          It’s another perfect day for reading – the giant low in the Bay of Bengal lingers overhead, despite its cyclonic core travelling up the coast of India.

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    diannegray said:
    October 31, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    We are very alike. I am also a Sagittarian. I have lived the dual existence my entire life. I’m leaving the city in mid November and heading back to live the country life for a while:) I can’t wait…
    This is a great post 😀

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      EllaDee responded:
      November 1, 2012 at 5:58 am

      Thank you. I feel better I’m not alone… oh, hang on I’m never alone 😉 Our plan is to leave the city by the end of next year, so if you’re thinking of blogging re your transition, I’ll be very interested 🙂

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