I’ve been known to say I like my own company. It’s easy, I’m never alone because there are two of me.
My favourite numbers are 11 and 2. I’m a Sagittarian – astrologically half wo-man, half horse.
I’ve been considering this propensity for duality in light of yet again splitting myself between two existences: city and country. The G.O. and I share a small city apartment which facilitates a working life; and an old house in a country village to which we dream of escaping, and having a life. We pack up each public holiday long weekend & for 3 weeks at Christmas, drive 6 hours and in the process transform into country folk dipping our toes in the water of the lifestyle to which we could quickly become accustomed. On the days of our return to the city we turn silent & morose and endeavour to keep to our corners.
This complementary way of life is not new to me. As a pre-schooler I had two homes: in town with Mum & Dad, and the farm with Nanna & Pa. I moved easily between them. When Mum died the farm became home, and after we left the farm I just went where Dad did. I was a little shy so my other self was kept busy being the chatty, confident one.
I got over that and of course inherent to teenage years is duality wearing its dark cloak of duplicity. I was never allowed to do what I wanted but that was ok, I took literally the adults’ go-to adage “what you don’t know won’t hurt you”, and employed it right back. I said one thing and did another. No-one got hurt… more by good luck than good management.
In a timely manner mid way through high school Dad suggested boarding school which meant a return to two lives, packing a bag, coming and going, home routines & friends vs. school routines & friends.
After leaving school I had two jobs: working for Dad at our garage for bed & board and at a truck stop café for $5 cash an hour as a waitress/kitchen hand. I also attempted to (not easy in a small country town) keep up the distance of what I did and what I was seen to be doing on the social scene.
A little later I found a proper job as clerk in local government but moonlighted as a barmaid at a local pub. The location and hours were the only difference to being in the office. The people were the same.
I quit the barmaid job when I met my first husband to be… should have quit the bloke and kept the job. But I didn’t, like the small country town girl doing what everyone else was doing idiot I was, I married him. My dual aspect had dreams but I was too busy trying to be Mrs Champion Housewife to think about them.
Eventually my dual aspect with a little incentive from my cheating husband of 4 years, took off for the big smoke dragging me and my polishing cloth with her, to hook up with a man whose skill for duality surpassed mine but only became evident way in the future when it was too late. He knew all about dreams and how to spin them.
I was saved when my life split in two once again. I took a local job which after a while required me to live and work away from home weekdays. Back to packing a bag, coming and going, home routines vs. work routines. I’m here to tell you absence does not necessarily make the heart grow fonder – it makes your eyes open wider and gives your brain space to think. It also gave the dream weaver free reign to delude himself into a divorce.
And still it doesn’t end. The G.O. came back into my life. We’d been friends for 20 years, introduced by the dream weaver. Via a series of synchronistic windfalls we found each other again just a little sooner than was ideal. Neither of us was in a space, one way or another, to pursue it. He went one way and my heart went with him. My dreams and I stayed in Sydney waiting and hoping.
The G.O. returned, but for a while was to & fro working away, and we did the long distance romance dance until the dust settled and we found ourselves in a day-to-day city reality. So now I pass my days as me who works for a monthly pay cheque, does the housework and pays bills, and as EllaDee me who gets to have all the fun writing & reading blog posts. That is, until it’s time to hit the road to Taylors Arm.
The two of us,
Our love will always stay between,
The two of us,
It doesn’t matter if the skies are cloudy and grey,
We’re happy away from the storm,
We’re cozy and warm,
It’s just the two of us,
And we’ll be always travelling on.