… I mean regrets. I was going to title this post “No [R]egrets” but it’s not true, much as I’d like to be able to say it and mean it. It’s fashionable to have no regrets. Do and be damned. I’ve never inclined to it. If I listed them, I’d have a page long of regrets. One of those regrets is marrying young, and another is marrying yet again, not quite so young.
It’s been more than 7 years since I legally extricated myself from my last marriage contract, and according to science every cell in my body has regenerated in the interim. From that inference can I take comfort the body I now inhabit has never been married? Problem is my mind & spirit didn’t receive the same renewal and they are more than a little sceptical about the great institution.
The Gorgeous One & I have been friends for 20 plus years, and embarked 7-ish years ago on a relationship which evolved to our current happily unmarried status. Yes, for any lingering doubters, not that it matters, less than the timeframe I have been unmarried. There’s a time & place for everything, right? Both of us having been unhappily married to other spouses but getting along together well enough, we’ve had a few awkward should-we-shouldn’t-we conversations about marriage to each other. Every time, and as recent as last Sunday afternoon while riding the inclinator at the local shopping centre, we’ve come to the conclusion we’re happy as we are and don’t want to risk putting a marital hoodoo on our bliss.
If I’d never been married before, I’d now at my sensible, mature age love to be married to the G.O. It would make us all neat, tidy & official… and there you have it, a lingering neat-freaky-likes-everything-tidy-penchant which combined with a lack of worldliness & desire to do the “right thing” led me to prior poor nuptial choices.
There’s a reason behind this reminiscing. My younger [half] sister became engaged last weekend, the first to do so in my immediate family since my own matrimonial ventures. Upon reading her announcement via text as is her way although she did wait 24+ hours before changing her relationship status on Facebook, my reaction was breathless & clammy. Not for her but for me, such is my visceral response to my own regrets.
I wish my sister & her intended every type, depth & duration of happiness. I have confidence in her ability to make wise, open-eyed and courageous decisions better than I at the same age and a few years after that.
To my sister, my virtual wedding gift is no regrets, and no ex-husbands.
“Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.” Frank Sinatra