Egrets, I’ve had a few

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Egrets, Sydney Park, NSW Australia

… I mean regrets. I was going to title this post “No [R]egrets” but it’s not true, much as I’d like to be able to say it and mean it. It’s fashionable to have no regrets. Do and be damned. I’ve never inclined to it. If I listed them, I’d have a page long of regrets. One of those regrets is marrying young, and another is marrying yet again, not quite so young. 

It’s been more than 7 years since I legally extricated myself from my last marriage contract, and according to science every cell in my body has regenerated in the interim. From that inference can I take comfort the body I now inhabit has never been married? Problem is my mind & spirit didn’t receive the same renewal and they are more than a little sceptical about the great institution. 

The Gorgeous One & I have been friends for 20 plus years, and embarked 7-ish years ago on a relationship which evolved to our current happily unmarried status. Yes, for any lingering doubters, not that it matters, less than the timeframe I have been unmarried. There’s a time & place for everything, right? Both of us having been unhappily married to other spouses but getting along together well enough, we’ve had a few awkward should-we-shouldn’t-we conversations about marriage to each other. Every time, and as recent as last Sunday afternoon while riding the inclinator at the local shopping centre, we’ve come to the conclusion we’re happy as we are and don’t want to risk putting a marital hoodoo on our bliss. 

If I’d never been married before, I’d now at my sensible, mature age love to be married to the G.O.  It would make us all neat, tidy & official… and there you have it, a lingering neat-freaky-likes-everything-tidy-penchant which combined with a lack of worldliness & desire to do the “right thing” led me to prior poor nuptial choices. 

There’s a reason behind this reminiscing. My younger [half] sister became engaged last weekend, the first to do so in my immediate family since my own matrimonial ventures. Upon reading her announcement via text as is her way although she did wait 24+ hours before changing her relationship status on Facebook, my reaction was breathless & clammy. Not for her but for me, such is my visceral response to my own regrets. 

I wish my sister & her intended every type, depth & duration of happiness. I have confidence in her ability to make wise, open-eyed and courageous decisions better than I at the same age and a few years after that. 

To my sister, my virtual wedding gift is no regrets, and no ex-husbands. 

“Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.” Frank Sinatra

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22 thoughts on “Egrets, I’ve had a few

    roughseasinthemed said:
    May 25, 2012 at 4:11 am

    I don’t know why I ever got marrried. But I did, and we’re still here. Fluke though.

    Legal is useful, that’s all I’ll say.

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      May 25, 2012 at 6:19 am

      Legal is useful and underlies why I got married the second time but legal was expensive also to extricate myself from. It’s just annoying because if anyone, the G.O. is the one I should have been married to given right time & place…

      Like

    robincoyle said:
    May 25, 2012 at 8:50 am

    LOVE the title of this blog post. Still chuckling.

    Like

    Kourtney Heintz said:
    May 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

    It’s funny how someone else’s decisions make us look back on our own. 🙂 I have regrets too. But I have guilt too for things I did and shouldn’t have. I think the mind regenerates at it’s own pace. Sometimes faster than the body. Other times, it’s a lot longer. Best wishes to your sister. Glad you and G.O. are in a happy place.

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      May 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

      Thanks for commenting. Guilt is a hard one. I did a lot of work with myself in my early 20’s sorting stuff (best word I can think of) out and I think guilt was one of the successes, and even regret surprised me but part of the regret comes from being happy now, knowing I’ll never get time spent unhappy back. As we say, twenty twenty hindsight, it’s a fine thing 🙂

      Like

    holistic complications said:
    May 26, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Yep .. regrets, I have had a few too. I few too many. Glad to hear you are happy now.

    Like

    Pete Denton said:
    May 27, 2012 at 7:10 am

    It sounds like you’re in a happy place. Long may that continue.

    Like

    Archie said:
    May 28, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Regrets – I believe everyone harbours regrets to some degree.
    Saying that ‘I have no regrets’ = ‘I have short term memory loss coupled with zero conscience and an ability to shirk all responsibility and accountability’
    I’m not saying we should carry around baggage. Regrets make us look at life with the hope of learning from our mistakes and making things right. They eventually change along with our priorities
    On the same note, one person’s regrets should not hinder another person’s chance of finding happiness where we may have screwed up. It’s very nice of you to wish your sister well 

    Like

    philosophermouseofthehedge said:
    May 30, 2012 at 2:18 am

    Absolutely the best post title ever. (and great ending with the quote)
    Best wishes for your sister
    And sounds like you’ve found good company and safe harbour. If it works, it works. (Just please, do make plans/paperwork for legal issues for unthinkable horrible events: hospitals have regulations that wreck damage at the worst emotional times.)
    Other than that – dance on!

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      May 30, 2012 at 10:07 am

      Thank you – it’s a title that happens when egrets visit the lake & your sister gets engaged at the same time! And, thank you also for prompting me to stop moving that post-it reminder in my diary & call the solicitor to get the PoA’s done. I made the call first thing 🙂

      Like

    A Star on the Forehead said:
    May 31, 2012 at 1:11 am

    I am not sure if you do awards or if you already have enough, but you have inspired me so I have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. 🙂 http://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      May 31, 2012 at 5:57 am

      Thank you so much. I’m honoured. I do have a few awards but I think the awards process is a fantastic way to encourage & inspire bloggers, so even though I do have this award already I’ll keep your kind nomination handy for when I accumulate a new bundle of nominees. Again, thank you, it’s nice to be thought of & nominated.

      Like

    Naomi Baltuck said:
    May 31, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Hi Ella,
    The title caught my attention, but the writing kept me engaged. Very thought-provoking. I wish you peace and contentment.

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      May 31, 2012 at 7:19 pm

      Thank you. So good of you to take the time to say 🙂

      Like

    Malou said:
    June 2, 2012 at 7:19 am

    When the current set-up works, there is no need to rock the boat. Just be happy every day knowing you have one to love and who loves you back. 😉

    Like

    rumpydog said:
    June 3, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Hello! It’s good to see you around again, I’ve made a couple of those mistakes too. One was legal, one was mutual. Today I am older and wiser and realize that alot of what I did was ruled by that biological need and not reason. Now I think if I were to commit (in whatever fashion I chose) to another, it would be for more rational reasons.

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      June 3, 2012 at 8:32 am

      Thnx for commenting and the reassurance that’s it not just me, because of course when considering my own regrets I think it’s just me and of course it’s not. I had a thought after reading the comments to this post – maybe when we make a menu choice in life we need a little Macca’s voice in our heads asking “would you like regrets with that?”…

      Like

    A Star on the Forehead said:
    June 7, 2012 at 4:22 am

    That is one of the best titles I have seen in a long time. Every time I visit here it has me smiling like the first time!! While having never being married and wanting to be, still I understand where you are coming from and also question the whole institution!
    btw, I have nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award. http://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      June 7, 2012 at 6:16 am

      Thank you for the comment & the award. I’m honoured. Firstly, I love awards and will tuck this one away while I accumulate new blogs to nominate in turn. Secondly, I am all for marriage/unions in whatever form suits, including same sex marriage. I would be happy to be legally married had I not been such a doofus when it came to making important choices earlier in my life. In a similar way, I over indulged in a certain alcoholic beverage when I was younger and now cannot bear the smell or taste!

      Like

        A Star on the Forehead said:
        June 7, 2012 at 11:04 am

        I guess we all wish what we have don’t have or never had! More power to you for realizing that you are happy the way you are and don’t need a piece a paper to make it official. Unfortunately we cannot go back and do over, but I realize that good or bad the choices in the past were all learning experiences, and the key is not to repeat the same mistakes again. Better moderation than overindulgence, but like you if I like something is hard for me to know when to stop 🙂

        Like

    ceciliag said:
    June 7, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    after my second marriage fell apart,, no surprise.. I honestly could not have been bothered to marry again, but to stay with john in america I had to marry him , so we wandered off to a registry office one afternoon, living together was what i wanted. i have few regrets really as all of those colossal mistakes took me to a new place, doors opened i would never have seen. all mistakes are new ones and all mistakes are teachers.. it is wonderful to be able to KNOW when you have made the wrong turn though, you have that skill.. many people will not admit it.. fun though isn’t it! c

    Like

      EllaDee responded:
      June 8, 2012 at 6:10 am

      Thnx Celi. I like “colossal”. Anyone can make ordinary mistakes but to get into the realms of colossal takes some doing! And, the reward is knowing you can survive anything. That I like.

      Like

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